Heart's Shadow
by moriartysfallenangels
Summary: Arthur is annoying. Obviously. Merlin would always jokingly threaten to leave him because of the fact. Never did he expect to see the day Merlin wasn't at his side. He certainly didn't expect him to be a sorcerer. (Dark!Merlin because I'm sadistic)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is something that came to me, let's see how this goes! Not going to spoil anything, but let's say that I'm really excited to write dark!Merlin. How he gets there, you'll have to find out! :) Mysticism aside, here's the beginning of the fic. Enjoy!**

* * *

The world outside Arthur's chambers had been calling to Merlin since that morning, and he had finally found an excuse to leave his clotpole of a king, that he had served for the past ten years. The sky was filled with soft white clouds that had been smeared into the brilliant blue. The forest was very green at this time of year, but unfortunately, it was also very wet. Merlin's feet would squelch in the mud as he walked down from the walled city of Camelot out into the wooded domain. The leaves of the trees had a melodic drip going on, already starting to calm his undeniable anger.

Arthur is a prat. A complete and utter prat. The first instant he saw Merlin, he wouldn't hesitate to drown him in chores for the day. He wasn't being any more of a royal ass than he usually was, asking him to do this _Mer_ lin, do that _Mer_ lin. _Mer_ lin my clothes aren't clean. _Mer_ lin my boots need shining. _Mer_ lin my stables need mucking out. _Mer_ lin. _Mer_ lin. _Mer_ lin.

Well Merlin had enough for one day, the sound of the king's voice setting his teeth on edge more and more as time progressed. He had stalked off to the woods for a break and fresh air hoping to get over himself and calm his frazzled nerves. Hopefully he could get back to fulfilling his destiny without wanting to punch his practical other half in the face.

He went a little ways down the path, keeping the top of the castle in Camelot in sight, and came across a small clearing. Some afternoons he would venture there and sit, and would carefully practice magic. It was his safe place that no one knew about, not even Gaius. He would spin the world around him into a swirling array of leaves and wind and water making dragons and horses that would fly here and there. It would soothe him and make him smile again. There were times when he would come to the little meadow when he had lost someone. He came when Freya died. And when he lost his father. Of course, Arthur had told him that "no man was worth his tears" after the encounter. How did Arthur react when _his_ father died?

Merlin sighed. Then he lifted his hands and water from a puddle lifted up in a fluid motion. It slowly transformed from a blob to a dragon. Merlin felt his harmless magic in the back of his eyes as the water dragon flew through the air, a few drops dripping from its wings back into the murky puddle. With his other hand, Merlin moved twigs and leaves through the air and made more dragons to follow it. They flew through the air and around Merlin, immersing him in magic and making him forget about any pain he had been through or any loss he had taken. Or any annoying, unappreciative kings. The simple and childish action that Merlin had spent a few minutes occupied in made him smile. He felt momentarily free. Not like he could be executed at any moment if he was discovered, or at the least, exiled.

All of his muscles tensed at once at the sound of a very human gasp. The back of his neck felt cold and every inch of him perked up at the feeling of being watched. The dragons instantly fell from the air as the magic faded from his eyes, that he now assumed had reverted from the magical golden color to his usual bright blue. Merlin turned, all of his muscles on fire and ready to attack, and looked straight into the betrayed blue eyes of Arthur Pendragon.

Both men were speechless. Arthur's emotions went through betrayal, hurt, and anger. He had originally trudged through the field to apologize to Merlin, picking up on his annoyed mood earlier. Merlin didn't get annoyed often, but it had been happening more and more lately as the two had been through a great deal together. Merlin's patience had just run thin and he was boring when he was upset. So a happy Merlin meant a happy Arthur. But he certainly never expected to catch Merlin- _Merlin-_ committing an unlawful act while out of his sight. An act such as _magic._

Merlin stood incredibly still. Nothing passed across his face as he stood frozen in fear. Arthur's mouth hung open, still in shock. All he could do was look down at his boots, as he bit back tears.

"Why?" Arthur choked out; it was all he could ask. None of his thoughts could form into words. His anger bubbled in the pit of his stomach and he could feel Merlin's betrayal in his chest. His eyes stung.

"Arthur-" Merlin started, but Arthur put a hand up and clenched it into a fist, not wanting to hear what Merlin had to say.

"You-You're a...sorcerer" Arthur said what he was with venom. Merlin noticed his unshed tears, prompting some of his own to burn in his eyes. He thought his friend would be more open minded and understanding... not betrayed. Arthur was disgusted with him.

Merlin tried to reason with him and calmly said, "I only use magic to help you, Arthur. I use it for you and Camelot. I would never turn against you."

"Help? What help have you done? Magic only destroys; it's pure evil!" Arthur yelled to him.

Merlin's blood boiled at the king's accusations. If it wasn't for Merlin, he would be dead by now. If Merlin had wanted him dead, he would be. If Merlin wanted to take Arthur's throne he would have it by now. He had no response for what his friend threw at him. He had never felt such anger towards him. His blood pounded in his ears.

Arthur continued, "You don't even have a good argument. Magic is pointless, Merlin!"

Merlin could bite back his anger no longer, "How dare you!" Arthur was taken aback by Merlin's anger, as he had never been the target of it before. "How dare you say it is pointless when it has been magic that has saved your life countless times!" As Merlin yelled at Arthur, he grew closer to him until he was close enough to hear the king's heavy breathing and feel it on his face. "You are not the only one who has lost, Arthur Pendragon, so do not assume you know everything about magic."

Arthur grew even angrier when Merlin became cross with him. He had no right to be angry when it was he who had been betrayed. He pushed his friend off of him a bit harder than he meant to, causing him to fall over and land on his back hard. Arthur didn't expect a retaliation from his servant, but his reflexes took over. Arthur looked down into golden eyes that sent him flying across the field, landing in a mud puddle. With the breath knocked out of him, he scrambled to stand up ready to fight Merlin if the need arose. Merlin stood up with less effort but was ready to do the same. Ready, but he didn't happy about it as he slowly lifted his hands in a defensive manner.

"Is this really how it's going to be, Merlin?"

"This is what you made it, Arthur," Merlin replied with as much venom as Arthur had put into his question. Both of them glared at each other, their friendship withering away by the second.

"I have no choice but to arrest you." Merlin looked horrified, as if all of his fears had come true, because frankly they had. Arthur hadn't trusted him when he found out his biggest secret. He had never felt worse. "Why did you hide it from me?"

"This is why, Arthur," Merlin responded in a low voice. "I was afraid that this would be your reaction. I was right to keep it from you."

Arthur unsheathed his sword and pointed it at Merlin. He flinched, but not out of fear of being struck. Before Arthur could react, Merlin's hand flew up at Arthur and he shouted, " _Gehæftan",_ and his eyes turned brilliant gold. Roots sprung from the ground and wrapped around Arthur's legs, immobilizing him instantly. His sword remained in his hand, but he could hardly move it as the roots made their way to his arms. Arthur yelled out shocked at Merlin's attack, also surprised it wasn't more violent like his first reaction had been.

"I can't let you take me, Arthur," Merlin said grimly. "The spell will wear off eventually if no one finds you before then."

Arthur thrashed against the roots that bound him and then looked up at Merlin with a look of raw emotion in his eyes. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but Merlin could see him forcing himself not to cry. It physically hurt Merlin to leave him, but his friend hadn't reacted well to his having magic. He had no right to feel betrayed when Merlin had sacrificed so much for him. Merlin wished he could stay and talk some sense into him, but he didn't want to risk Arthur's wrath. He didn't want his friends to have to watch him be burned alive, not even Arthur. They had lost enough. He had lost enough.

"Goodbye, Arthur," his voice came out rough and hoarse. With that, he disappeared into the trees and vanished from Arthur's view. He looked back in the cover of the trees to see and hear Arthur scream at the sky. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Merlin ran back to Camelot so he could leave before Arthur broke free of his spell.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again! That fight sure was terrible, wasn't it? It hurt me to write it. Why do I do this to myself?**

 **megt83, what you asked for is actually in this chapter. I already had planned on it :D**

 **Enough talk. Here's more pain!**

* * *

He felt nothing, but yet everything on Arthur's body hurt. The light from the sun was fading and he wondered how much longer Merlin had planned to keep him in these earthen chains. They dug into him in all the wrong ways. The rough texture of the roots rubbed against his skin, making him raw on the places where he had struggled against them. He hadn't been as mournful since his father died. He may have even been even more hurt now at the loss of the person he was closest to, besides Guinevere. But nevermind that, the king was _hungry._ Proper hungry, where his stomach growled and threatened to devour him from the inside out. That morning, Merlin had forgotten his breakfast, which is what made Arthur suspicious of the man's irritation at him. When Merlin was nowhere to be found at lunchtime, he followed directions from the knights that had seen the direction he had gone. His footprints weren't hard to find in the mud that the recent rain had conjured, which led right to a scrawny man with raven hair. Whose hands were lifted in the air directing flying water, sticks, and leaves to do his bidding in the shape of dragons.

Arthur couldn't help himself. He gasped, making Merlin turn around defensively, dropping the flying creatures to the ground. Shock was his initial reaction, followed by betrayal and hurt. Sadness was his current knife in his gut, stabbing repeatedly in his chest at each thought of Merlin. Every memory, every tear that forced its way down his face against his will. He was crying over a servant. Damn it, he was a king. He took deep breaths to calm himself, but only managed to suck in shaky gulps of air as he began to sob. The last light of sun disappeared, surrounding the king in darkness. The roots around his body loosened and Arthur fell to his knees. He dropped his sword and looked to the stars, tears flowing down his cheeks.

Merlin wasn't dead, but he might as well be.

* * *

The guards greeted him at the gate, offering him worried expressions. Arthur didn't care what had transpired in his absence, shockingly. He had to get to Gaius. He should know that his ward-that he had treated like a son-had lied to everyone. He deserved to know and not in the way Arthur had found out, catching Merlin in the act. Threatening to arrest him. His regret threatened to retreat from his stomach and up through his mouth.

 _I just have to get to the castle. Tell Gaius._

Arthur ignored everyone that greeted him down the streets, the kind smiles and emotionless hellos, only giving them a vacant expression upon his face in return. His best friend was gone and it was his fault. The way he treated Merlin was wrong and he regretted it. If the chance arose, he would apologize, but he doubted he'd ever see Merlin again. He could not, would not, throw up in front of his people.

Arthur walked through the door of the castle and breathed out, realizing he had been holding his breath for a long while. He leaned against the door, closing his eyes, and regained his composure before remembering he needed to seek out the court physician. When he opened them, the first thing he saw was a cup flying at his face. The cup narrowly missed him, hitting the wall directly to the left of his face. The thrower, who happened to be Sir Gwaine, was fastly approaching Arthur.

"What did you do?" He said with a terrifying calm. Arthur was confused. He couldn't know about _Merlin_ yet, could he?

"What are you talking about, Gwaine?" Arthur groaned, fatigue lining his voice. He pinched the bridge of nose, a headache beginning to form alongside his nausea. All he wanted was a warm bath and to curl up in his bed.

"Merlin came by a few hours ago," Gwaine declared, anger dripping in his tone. "I reckoned you'd know why he was practically boiling over with rage and left with a bag without saying where he was going."

"You didn't follow him?"

"I asked you a question, Arthur," Gwaine practically yelled. He calmed himself a bit then answered disgruntledly, "Don't think I didn't want to, but Gaius practically had me by the collar."

"Merlin-uh…" Arthur choked on his words as the conversation with Merlin flooded back to him.

 _I was afraid this would be your reaction,_ he had said

"Merlin…" Gwaine prompted.

 _I only use magic to help you._ Arthur could feel bile at the back of his throat, threatening to break loose again.

"He's gone," Arthur whispered, too sorrowful to explain further. Gwaine picked up on it, realizing the king regretted his actions, whatever they were. He wasn't one to stay angry long, but he was overly protective of Merlin.

"I can see you're sorry, Arthur," Gwaine's anger had almost evaporated, but was still present, remaining just below the surface. He clasped Arthur's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "But what did you do, mate?"

"Merlin has magic," Arthur grumbled. "We had a...a disagreement."

"That's not new," he smiled despite everything. Then grew serious again. "Did you tell him to leave?"

"Are you ignoring the fact that _Merlin_ of all people has magic?!" Arthur voiced. Gwaine chuckled to himself.

"I've known that since I met you two," Gwaine said with a proud smile. "You were just too dumb to see Merlin throwing plates at people."

"What's so incredible about that?"

"He never physically touched the plates." Arthur laughed at the prospect, then his face reverted back to the downcast expression it had taken for the past several hours. How many other times had Merlin used his magic to help in sticky situations like that one in the tavern?

 _It has been magic that has saved your life countless times._ Oh, Merlin. Arthur ran his hand down his face.

"I'm a bloody idiot. I've made a huge mistake."

"Just now coming to that realization, Princess?"

"I have to get to Gaius. See you at training tomorrow, Gwaine." Gwaine just laughed and walked in the other direction of Arthur, who went in the direction of the court physician. Knocking on Gaius' door, King Arthur couldn't help but wonder if the physician had already known about Merlin's magic. Five hours ago, he might have taken personally. Five hours ago, he had switched from his anger and betrayal to just straight sadness. Ten hours ago, he had lost his best friend.

Gaius opened the door to a king who looked-and felt-like he'd been through hell. It calmed Gaius' well hidden rage at the man for what he had done to Merlin who had collapsed in his arms earlier that day. His ward had walked in, the door hitting the wall and bouncing shut again as he stormed straight to his room, the rage and pain radiating off of him. Saying Gaius had been startled was an understatement, especially when Merlin told him the full story. He had hoped that Arthur would be more accepting now that his father was gone. He guessed that he had judged the man too kindly.

"What do you need, sire?" He asked, a bit too coldly by the king's reaction. It intensified the pain on his face. He looked like he had swallowed a bitter potion.

"I've made a mistake, Gaius," he choked out. People just kept surprising Gaius today. He opened his door wider and ushered the man in, the rage leaving him at the king's confession. He hoped that was what he meant by mistake. Gaius decided to hear the king out before forgiving him.

"Mistake, sire?"

"You know that Merlin has magic, I assume?"

Gaius frowned but then decided it was safe, "Yes."

"I caught him doing magic out in the field today," Arthur said bitterly, sitting down in a chair as his legs threatened to give out. "I acted rashly and harshly towards him."

Agreeing with the king would probably only make him feel worse, but disagreeing would mean lying. He didn't want the king to think Merlin hadn't been hurt, so Gaius was silent until the king continued

"Merlin mentioned that magic had saved my life many times. Is that true?" Arthur looked to Gaius, who gave him a small smile, before sitting across from him. He began mess with the binding of a book that sat on the table for a moment, thinking about what he should tell Arthur.

"Once upon a time there was a boy that thought he was a monster."

"Merlin?" Arthur breathed. Gaius' smile turned sad as he nodded.

"His first day in Camelot, he saved an foolish old man's life by slowing down time…" Gaius told Arthur of all he had done from him. From the first time he saved his life with magic, ending with Gwen's cure. He left out the part about Freya and Balinor.

"I KNEW I RECOGNIZED THE SORCERESS." Arthur proclaimed. His head felt back laughing at what lengths Merlin had gone to keep his secret. It also wiped the smile off of his face. He looked back at a tired Gaius, who had been talking for hours about Merlin's bravery. Then he asked on a more serious note, "Why did he never tell me?"

"He knows magic is outlawed. He was afraid you'd chop his head off. Merlin didn't want to put you in that position."

Arthur sighed and put his head in his hands. His image of Merlin kept changing and making his head hurt.

"Thank you for telling me, Gaius."

"Of course, sire." Arthur stood up, nodded and began to leave. At the door he stopped, remembering something Merlin had said.

 _You are not the only one who has lost._

"Gaius, what has Merlin sacrificed for me? In our-in our argument he mentioned that he had lost, like I had. What was he referring to?"

"Do you remember the Dragonlord, Balinor?"

"The one who we sought out to take down the Great Dragon? How could I forget? I nearly failed my father and the people of Camelot."

"He was Merlin's father," Gaius said darkly. Arthur just stared at him, in shock.

"I told h-" he put his fist over his mouth. He clenched his teeth together, hard, at the memory of what he had told Merlin. "I told him that no man was worth his tears that day. It was his _father._ How could Merlin stand me?"

"He was your friend."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello! How are you lot? I need to stop that, I'm not British oops. This story is going much better than I thought it was, so I want to thank everyone for reading it and for the kind reviews. THEY MAKE ME SMILE LIKE AN IDIOT. :)**

 **Let the fic commence!**

 _Goodbye, Arthur._ His words resonated in his ears like the cringe worthy noise of metal grinding against metal. His cold farewell burned in his throat. He felt the finality of it, the way it had felt like it had been the last goodbye he would give. Seeing Arthur again might get him killed, but he wanted to apologize. He needed to explain his reasoning that kept him from telling his friend his deepest, darkest secret. When it had been accidentally revealed, he had hoped he would understand. Arthur had been warming up to magic hadn't he? Gwen had been cured with magic after being in the dark tower, so he assumed the king would have finally understood. Merlin had often explained that magic was a weapon, it wasn't good or evil. Evil lies in the hearts of men.

He had been wrong about Arthur's heart. He had been foolish to think he was safe to perform magic in that field without getting caught.

It was too late now.

He left the home he had known for ten years with a hug from Gaius and a bag of food. Stepping out the door, he expected to just walk out the city without a problem. Of course, that did not go as planned. Not even ten seconds after leaving, he ran into none other than Gwaine.

"Hello Merlin, where are you off to?" Gwaine asked with a bright smile, addressing his best friend. It just made Merlin hurt even worse knowing he was leaving it behind. Another wave of anger and sadness flooded over him. Gwaine being Gwaine, picked up on his dark mood. "What's wrong, mate?"

Merlin thought about asking Gwaine to come with him. He would. Gwaine was protective and would take any chance to leave his responsibilities no matter how much privilege he got from them. But he couldn't make himself ask him to leave his new life. So he simply said with a forced smile, "Nothing."

Before Gwaine could further question, and he really wanted to, Gaius opened his door with a loud dramatic bang. Both Merlin and Gwaine spun to face the physician, slightly startled.

"Merlin, why haven't you left yet? I need those herbs, my boy. Gwaine, do you possibly think you could help me lift this sack of potatoes? It's quite heavy and it's in the way of my work."

Merlin looked to Gwaine, hoping Gaius' request would send Gwaine away from him. With a very visible jaw clench, Gwaine looked at Merlin. He didn't want to leave him in this state, but he took his cue and followed Gaius back into the room he had just came from. The smile dropped from Merlin's face and he exited the castle. Not one guard stopped him on the way out. He never came across another knight. But at the edge of the forest, he paused. Where was he going to go?

He couldn't go to Ealdor and endanger his mother. There wasn't anywhere else he was familiar with.

So he just started walking.

Merlin shouldered his bag of provisions and trekked on throughout the woods, travelling past the clearing he had left Arthur in. He paused, questioning if he should go and talk to him for the last time. Should he have just let Arthur go?

 _No. He was going to arrest me. Burn me alive,_ he thought to himself. He looked to the field, sighed, and continued on down the path. It was too risky.

As he grew further and further away from Camelot, he felt wrong. Each step felt wrong. It probably had something to do with the fact he was running away from his destiny to help Arthur build a prosperous kingdom with magic. The universe was fighting against him. At the moment, he didn't particularly care. His legs protested against their master's will, making him want to turn back with each labored step, but Merlin was more persistent. Arthur Assdragon could deal without him. He probably wouldn't even want Merlin back anyway.

His thoughts pounded in his head and grew louder and louder until he had had enough. Merlin stopped walking and threw his bag on the ground in anger. He hadn't realized, but his breathing had grown heavy as he grew tired and angry. He had traveled on foot for only half a day, but he still found himself exhausted. He collapsed onto his knees in frustration and defeat. The last light left the sky and Merlin gazed up at the stars beginning to shine in the darkness. A wet warmth collected on his chin, but Merlin didn't care. His heart hurt thinking of the strong friendship that had been extinguished earlier that morning. He didn't know it, but a few miles away the king had been released in the clearing and was crying like Merlin was, down on his knees gazing at the stars wishing he could right his wrongs.

Both thought the other despised them. But of course, a half cannot truly hate what makes it whole.

* * *

"Lady Morgana! I bring news," a small dark messenger croaked, running into the throne room of the traitor that had built her new kingdom from the dust. She looked upon him with disgust, but anyone who brought her helpful reports were rewarded and she found them very useful.

"Go on, Narcys," Morgana said, slightly bored. She hardly ever got any interesting news anymore. Peasants would make up lies or tell her unimportant facts to get money from her. That had recently ceased when she started to send the liars to her cells. She certainly wasn't bored when she had a few prisoners to torture and keep her entertained.

"It concerns Camelot's king and his servant Merlin." Morgana nodded to him, pursing her lips at the mention of her brother who she looked upon with even more disgust than the man in front of her. He continued, "I spotted them in a field outside of Camelot and they were fighting. Proper fighting!"

Morgana looked up. That was new information. That idiot of a servant would never go against his king. This could be just what she needed. So many ideas flooded through her mind but she stopped herself, needing more information to form a proper plan. She asked the messenger, "Is that all?"

"Oh no, my lady. I've saved the best for last. The boy, his servant, was using magic! He bound the king in roots and left him. I'm not sure where he's gotten off to now, but- "

 _Merlin had magic._ Well, that's definitely interesting. Morgana's blood ran cold and hot at the same time, slight fear fighting her anger. The memory of Merlin's lies were like a fresh wound. He had told her that she didn't have magic. He had made her feel ridiculous for thinking it. _He had magic the entire time._

"And they were fighting over magic?"

"Yes and-"

"Leave," Morgana harshly commanded. Narcys quickly scrambled to leave, careful not to be the target of her wrath. The guards gave him a small bag of coins, and he left Morgana's sight. He left her to brew in her rage and admiration for the man's ability to keep his magic hidden for so long.

She couldn't deny that she was extremely impressed. He had become the personal manservant to one of the few kings in the realm that outlawed magic. And he _had_ magic. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact, but it did explain a lot. Especially how she had constantly been thwarted at every opportunity. If he was angry with Arthur, she may have just found a new ally. Unless he was still loyal, just pissed off. It may be worth it to have a little chat with the newly discovered sorcerer. He could be just what she needed to take over Camelot and finally take the crown.

Morgana rose from her seat at the throne and left, heading for the room next to her chambers. It was where she performed her larger spells that required more of her power and concentration and where she went for privacy when her guards annoyed her. No one, except her, was allowed in the room. She kept all of her magical items, books, and ingredients in there, as well. The walls were covered by floor to ceiling shelves that housed plants of every shape and variety. The very room smelled of magic, if that were even possible.

Her hand ran along her bookshelf, stroking the spines as she looked for the one she wanted. She saw titles in other languages, in languages that had long died out, and languages known only to a select. They contained information and instructions that would be helpful at one time or another. A large brown book jutted out from the others and she picked it up, dusting it off. She discovered what she had been looking for: the spell that would take her to whomever she desired. She had once thought it would be useful in attacking Camelot, but she would have to go in alone or with one single warrior, since she could only take one other person with her. That was an impractical plan that she knew would surely fail, so she attacked Camelot the old fashion way... more or less.

She thought of Merlin, and how he might react, but she was hopeful. She could use Merlin's magic with hers. They could be invincible. But she still needed to convince him of her cause.

Morgana smirked and stepped back, the book on the table in front of her. Taking a deep breath, she focused her magic. She muttered a few words of the Old Religion, her eyes turning gold, and vanished from her castle in a torrent of wind.

* * *

The morning sun had begun to rise, birds chirping and signalling that the day was going to be beautiful. But when Merlin awoke with raw eyes and a sore body, he knew that the birds were bloody liars. He didn't remember when, but he had fallen asleep on the side of the road. He obviously hadn't cared who came by or who attacked him. He was done. There was nothing left for him, no one he could go to. He was truly alone. Not alone like he had always been, this was new for him. His body ached from laying on the cold, hard ground and his stomach growled. Sitting up, he grabbed his bag and rifled through it for an apple. After his first bite, he sensed a magical presence approaching.

But before he could turn around, a chill went down his spine as a familiar voice warmly said, "Hello, Merlin."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello again! I would like to apologize to the length of this chapter and the time it took me to post it. I couldn't decide on some tiny plot things but here we are! All the usual pain brought to you in a smaller package! Another apology, if I update less, it's because I started school (;-;)**

 **Let the fic commence!**

* * *

"Morgana," Merlin scrambled to stand up and face the woman he had epitomised as an enemy for several years. The mere sight of her sent his heart into a panic, even though he knew he was more powerful than she was. His magic focused, sharpened, and was ready to attack her. He raised his hands to strike, but then he noticed her demeanor. It was calm and extremely out of character. She appeared to mean him no harm whatsoever. Relaxing himself slightly, he voiced the question that began to pound around in his brain, "What do you want?"

"I know what happened between you and Arthur," Morgana said gently, scaring Merlin even more. What else did she know? Then she stunned him. "I know you have magic."

Merlin's blood ran cold fearing what Morgana had in store, but her manner never wavered. He expected her to be angry for all he had done and to be furious for hiding his magic when he could've been there for her. Anger wasn't present in Morgana's eyes. She seemed like the Morgana that Merlin had known before she had spiralled into a pit of hatred and fear. It was as if Merlin had never poisoned her, and if she hadn't been wearing all black with hair as big as her hatred, he might've believed it was the compassionate girl he met all those years ago. But, she was extremely manipulative and he was not falling for it.

 _She wants me on her side._

He gave a halfhearted laugh when he finally figured out what she wanted. Then he straightened up and approached her, darkly looking her in the eye so she would know he meant it with everything he was. Then in his strongest, lowest voice he said, "I know what you want. My answer is no."

"How could you possibly know what I came here for? What made you think I wanted something from you?"

"Why else would you be here right after I ran away from Camelot?"

"I see your point, but I don't want something from you. I came to offer you a place to stay, actually."

"My answer firmly remains. No." Merlin turned his back to her and gathered his things. It sent Morgana into a slight panic. _What had she been thinking?_ Merlin wasn't going to instantly trust her. She hoped she wouldn't have to retreat to her backup plan...

"Where are you going to go? Not to Ealdor, you wouldn't risk your mother's safety."

"To be honest, I'm not sure." Merlin shouldered his bag and started walking down the road. Morgana followed him, matching his pace and falling in stride with him. She wasn't sure what to do, she hadn't exactly thought this through.

"Arthur's never going to accept magic in his kingdom, Merlin, you see that?" Merlin said nothing and never wavered in his step. "Merlin, I'm only offering you a place to stay, I'm not asking you to kill Arthur."

Merlin stopped walking and gave Morgana a very annoyed look. Morgana was slightly confused but didn't say a word as Merlin looked around him, searching for the words to get Morgana off his back.

"How can I make this perfectly clear to you, Morgana. I. Don't. Trust. You." Merlin exaggerated the last sentence, saying each word slowly and clearly. Morgana took a deep breath to keep herself from strangling the man with his condescending tone. "Go back to whatever hole you came from to find me, because I'm not interested in whatever your next plan to overthrow Arthur involves."

"So you're still loyal to him even though he made it inherently clear he didn't accept you?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Morgana asked him, but he honestly didn't know. Arthur had hurt him deeper than most people could understand, maybe even the woman in front of him. A small, minuscule part of him wanted to go with her because of the understanding and companionship that she probably could offer to him. But he couldn't do that to Arthur. He wouldn't.

"He's my friend," he said. What else was there to say?

"What kind of friend would treat you like that?" Morgana's word sent doubt into Merlin, making him question himself, his destiny, and his decisions. _No, Arthur's just afraid of what he doesn't understand._

Merlin swirling thoughts finally came to a stop, leaving himself much less clouded and lost. He smiled sadly and replied, "A lost one."

"I was hoping this was going to be simpler," Morgana said with a sigh. Then she lifted her hands.

"What?" Merlin barely turned his body to defend himself when Morgana's eyes turned gold. He found himself flying, Morgana getting smaller and smaller as he moved through the air.

Then everything went black.

* * *

Burning. Something is burning.

Merlin shot straight up in the bed ready to help, ready to save lives, or whatever was needed of him. His eyes were still blurry with sleep, so he rubbed them, his body fulling waking up and remembering what had last happened. It had something to do with Morgana. His current whereabouts probably had to do with her, too. He located the source of the burning smell, which was a candle across from the bed he was laying in, casting weird shadows and setting a dark mood in the room.

That was new. It wasn't just any room, it was a room that belonged to a noble. Maybe even royalty. The cloth was finer than anything he'd ever seen. The blacks and crimsons contrasting each other in the curtains and bed sheets set an even darker mood for the room, and a dark mood for Merlin. Definitely Morgana's castle, or a castle Morgana would like to stay in. It was nothing like Camelot, or anything Arthur would like.

Flashes of the day before gave Merlin an instant headache, and a longing to see Gaius to get rid of the pain. Arthur's betrayal stung worse than anything Merlin could remember, but a different pain than he was used to. He was used to loss, used to seeing people leave his life and never be able to return. But not like this. They always left his life in love and he knew that they cared for him. He could still feel Arthur's hatred as if it had left a burn.

Crunch. Merlin looked over to the left to see Morgana slicing at an apple and eating the bits off the blade. She was leaned back against the chair and was just watching him, the shadows covering her face slightly.

"Good morning, Merlin," she said cooly, continuing to eat her apple slices off of her knife. It was probably present to intimidate Merlin, but it didn't.

"You don't want anything from me, but yet you kidnapped me," he replied harshly and he moved in the bed to face her. Then his arm caught on something. For the first time, he noticed a silver band with runes carved into it, wrapped around his wrist and connected to the bed pole.

She noticed his struggle against his chains and noted, "They're magical. Don't waste your time." She finished off her apple, put the core on the table, and began twirling the knife in the air. "Well, there is one thing I want from you, Merlin."

"And what, may I ask, is that?"

Morgana leaned forward, so Merlin could see her face in the light. She looked sincere, but Merlin wasn't sure if she acting, or if she really meant what she was about to say, "I want you to know that we aren't all that different."

Merlin scoffed, "We, alike? We both have magic, but beyond that we are night and day, Morgana."

She looked truly hurt, as if she had relied on his response to convince herself of her goodness. She must not have realized that she seemed to be trying to convince Merlin of his darkness. The look in her eyes put Merlin's stomach in a frenzy. The chains on his wrists bound his magic, not completely, but he couldn't use it for defense. Grossly exposed, he just glared daggers back at the sorceress that held him hostage.

After several seconds, she suddenly stood up, "Well, it was nice talking. We should do it again sometime."

"Don't think I'm going anywhere anytime soon," Merlin bitterly said. Morgana smirked in response. Then she left without another word. The shut of the door cued the relaxation of every muscle in Merlin's body, exhaustion ensuing. His body shut down, darkness engulfing him.

Merlin fell asleep, the empty, alone feeling intensifying with the silence in the room.

He missed Arthur despite everything.


End file.
